


Heaven Can't Help Me Now

by history11huh



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Exy (All For The Game), Fluff and Angst, M/M, Professional Exy (All For The Game), Professional Exy Player Kevin Day, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:00:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29017008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/history11huh/pseuds/history11huh
Summary: “Please be quiet, I can’t even hear myself losing the will to live.” Kevin snapped from his hunched position over his desk. History books stacked on top of one another and notebooks full of his messy scrawl obscured the wooden surface from view.“Did you even have one in the first place?” Aaron replied drily, hopping up onto the kitchen counter and making absolutely no effort to turn his music down.______Kevin and Aaron don't particularly like each other, but sometimes loneliness gets the best of people.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 30
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I wrote this and I figured why not post it? I have no idea how long or short it will be and whether it'll be any good, but voila.

“Please be quiet, I can’t even hear myself losing the will to live.” Kevin snapped from his hunched position over his desk. History books stacked on top of one another and notebooks full of his messy scrawl obscured the wooden surface from view. 

“Did you even have one in the first place?” Aaron replied drily, hopping up onto the kitchen counter and making absolutely no effort to turn his music down.

Kevin shot him a dirty look.

“Fuck off.” 

“No, you fuck off. You’re already the perfect Kevin Day on the court, nobody needs you to be the perfect student. You could probably fail all your exams and the school board wouldn’t even care. They’d just excuse you and ask if you need therapy or some bullshit like that,” Aaron shot back. He reached for a chocolate bar, and ripped it open while pointedly ignoring Kevin’s glare. 

“You do know you’re on a professional Exy team, right? I know you and your brother like to act like you couldn’t care less, but you do have an image to maintain.” Kevin swiveled his black chair around to face Aaron fully. His eyes dragged up Aaron’s body slowly, sparking at what he saw. Kevin blinked, and Aaron was sure he must have imagined the heat because Kevin’s usual sneer was fixed in place. “You could at least start putting an effort in with your eating habits.” Kevin hesitated a second, then added, “And your appearance.”

Blood rushed to Aaron’s cheeks as fury ate its way through him. Who the hell did Kevin Day think he was? Just because he was famous, just because he was talented, just because he was handsome and worked to stay that way, didn’t mean he had the right to tell Aaron how to act. Aaron’s fist clenched convulsively and he fought desperately to rein in his temper. He hadn’t stayed at the Foxhole Court for two years, playing with a team of assholes, just to have his brother kill him now. He took one shaky deep breath, then another, and slowly relaxed his hand. 

“Well let me know when you stop drowning yourself in alcohol, and I'll stop occasionally eating junk food. And until that day, I suggest you shut the fuck up and leave me alone.” Aaron slid off the counter and stomped to the door. He grabbed his coat and scooped up his keys. 

Kevin let out a quiet plea of “Aaron” but Aaron couldn’t be bothered to find out what Kevin had left to say. He marched out of the apartment, leaving his music for Kevin to deal with. He let the door slam shut behind him.

The second he was in the hallway, he whipped out his phone and leaned against the wall. He found Katelyn’s number on his phone and started to text.

Hey babe. Wanna meet up? I don’t want to be at the dorms rn.

Seconds later, her answering bubble popped up with a quiet ding.  
Yeah sure, I wanted to talk anyway. Meet at the coffeehouse?

Aaron sent his confirmation, then left to go meet up with his girlfriend.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What had he done wrong? The only good thing in his life had been her. Aaron knew he wasn’t a good person, not by anyone’s standards, but he had been trying to get better. To be better. For Katelyn. Where had he gone wrong? Had he not done enough? Been enough? All the way home, his mind kept replaying their conversation.

“I’m sorry, Aaron. I just- I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean by this?” He had said, naively.

“Us, Aaron. I can’t do us. I think we need to end things. It’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s fault, but we’re over.”

All Aaron could do was stare at her, the girl he thought he was going to grow old with. Her hair was still in it’s gorgeous blonde curls, and her freckles still dotted her cute little nose, but somehow he couldn’t reconcile the girl he was seeing with the girl he had met two years ago on his first day at university. He nodded dumbly, unable to speak.

Taking that as whatever answer she needed from him, Katelyn stood up, her flowery sundress swishing around her. She grabbed his shoulder and squeezed once, gently.

“Goodluck, Aaron.” And with that, she picked up her purse and walked out of the shop and his life. 

He had nothing left. His mom was dead, his brother had chosen the problematic striker over him, and now Katelyn was gone. He didn’t realize he had made it back to the Tower until he walked smack dab into Kevin Day’s chest. He let out a soft oomph. 

Kevin stumbled back quickly and then looked down at Aaron as if to see if he was still there. 

“Andrew?” 

“Does it look like I’m Andrew, fuckface?” Aaron snapped back, no longer able to control the emotions roiling around his body. 

“No. Sorry. I’m just, you know-” Kevin gestured vaguely at his body and Aaron took the liberty of filling in the blank. Drunk? Ignorant? Utterly incapable of functioning without the support of someone with sociopathic tendencies? The possibilities were endless. 

“Yeah well, I really don’t care. Just leave me alone.” Aaron said.

“Wait, are you okay? You just look...Off. Did something happen?” Kevin asked awkwardly, his inexperience with kindness apparent. 

Aaron almost laughed at that. Was he okay? Ha. He had never really been okay. There had been moments, kissing Katelyn after winning the Championships, finishing his first year of university at the top of his class, finally getting Andrew to talk at one of their sessions with Bee, where he had thought maybe he would be, but clearly that was a dream. A dream that he had watched slip out the door of the coffeeshop, right behind Katelyn. Now all that was left of Aaron was spite, mediocre Exy talent and a half finished pre-med degree. 

Some of the utter nothing he was feeling must have shown on his face because Kevin took a step closer with a look of concern. It was a bit disconcerting because Aaron was fairly sure the only expressions he had ever seen on Kevin’s face were related to Exy or a panic attack. Aaron took a small step back, if only to avoid Kevin’s uncomfortable pity.

“Do you want to come to the court with me?” Kevin asked. Aaron flicked his eyes up to Kevin’s to see if he was joking. He wasn’t.

On any normal night, Aaron would have rather died than go to spend extra time on the court with Kevin, Andrew and Neil, but tonight he found himself nodding. It would beat sitting alone and ignoring the buzzing desire for something he knew he could no longer have. Besides, with Katelyn gone, he no longer had anywhere else to go.

Kevin looked a little surprised at Aaron’s ready agreement, but quickly recovered. 

“I’ll just go get my gear,” Aaron said, “And then I’m ready.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically picks up where the last one left off.  
> TW for depression and some self-hatred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there actually is a part 2! And probably more on the way. Enjoy :)
> 
> I also did not read over it before posting, so let me know if there are any grammar mistakes that I need to fix.

By the time Aaron made his way back downstairs, he was cursing himself for agreeing to go. He hated Neil and he could barely tolerate Andrew. Kevin was alright, when he wasn’t playing Exy, or watching Exy, or thinking about Exy...which happened about once a year, and was always a joy to behold. Besides, he had plenty of homework to do and he could have chosen to use this free time to get ahead in chemistry. But no, like an idiot, he had volunteered to watch Andrew ogle Neil from a distance. God, what a stupid decision.

Much to Aaron’s surprise, when he got to the parking lot, Kevin was standing alone with the keys to the Maserati in his hand. Hearing Aaron’s footsteps, Kevin looked up, and upon seeing who it was, chucked the keys forcefully at Aaron’s head. 

Aaron’s reflexes saved his forehead, and his hand reached out to snag the keys. He looked up and met Kevin’s green eyes. 

“Where are your groupies?” Aaron asked.

“Andrew said they’re ‘busy’'', Kevin replied, putting air quotes around busy. The corner of his mouth was turned down in obvious disapproval. 

Aaron let out a dry laugh at that. With both Neil and Andrew’s being intensely private people who hated others “butting their noses where they don’t belong”, their being busy could mean anything from making out, which Aaron did not spend long considering, or talking Neil down from one of his panic attacks. 

“And Andrew was just going to let you drive yourself?” Aaron asked, raising his eyebrows slightly, “Can you even drive?” He hadn’t thought he would ever see the day where Andrew would let Kevin sit in the driver’s seat, let alone hand him the keys and let him go off on his own. 

“Yes,” Kevin bit out, his kindness from earlier evaporating like mist on a sunny day, “the mast- Coach Moriyama was cruel, not stupid. He knew it was a useful skill, so he hired someone to teach Riko and I.”

“And Andrew just trusted your word for it?”

“He only gave me the keys on the condition that you would drive, actually. If you hadn’t interrupted, I would have been able to tell you that.”

Aaron glared at Kevin. “If you hadn’t been such a boring bastard, maybe I wouldn’t have had to interrupt you to make you get to the fucking point.” He turned on his heel and headed towards the car, without glancing back to make sure Kevin was following. Kevin would go wherever his precious court was, and nowhere else.

Five minutes later, they pulled up outside the Foxhole Court, and Kevin leapt out the second the engine shut off. He quickly grabbed his stuff and was through the gate before Aaron had even moved.

“Fucking lunatic,” Aaron muttered to himself as he climbed out of the car and grabbed his gear. He hadn’t gotten over the orange in the two years he had played for the Foxes. It was an alarming colour and he hated it. 

Aaron beeped the car, and hurried after Kevin, who had not stopped to wait, and who was already inside the building. Bastard.

Aaron walked into the changeroom to find Kevin already halfway undressed. Kevin flicked his head up briefly as Aaron walked in, but quickly looked away again. Aaron put his stuff down and started getting dressed. He glanced over at Kevin briefly, and stopped in shock. He had not realized how defined Kevin’s muscles were. Aaron had known, realistically, that the extra training would get Kevin into better shape, but he had not imagined how elegant and yet brutal it would make him look, or how the muscle in his arm would flex as he pulled his shirt over his head and…

Aaron came back to himself. It was creepy to look at other guys in the changeroom. His mouth was a little dry, but that was probably because he was dehydrated. He needed to drink more water. Take better care of himself. Maybe listen to Kevin in that regard. Kevin with his muscles, and tanned skin and… no. What the hell was going on?  
He focused on changing, and solely changing and did not look away from the floor until Kevin cleared his throat. 

Aaron started. 

“Hurry up. We are here for us to get better at Exy, not changing our fucking clothes.” Kevin said, and Aaron was immediately reminded why he hated him. Scowling, Aaron finished lacing his shoes and walked towards Kevin, just a little slower than normal. Kevin noticed and glowered at Aaron, who blatantly disregarded the anger on Kevin’s face. 

“Fuck you,” Aaron answered, with no heat in his words. He really could not be bothered to care about Kevin Day’s attachment issues when he was alone, alone, alone, with no one left to want him. At least Kevin had an entire sport, with an entire fanbase, to care about whether or not he lived or died, about whether or not he was getting everything he deserved from life. 

Aaron and Kevin grabbed their hideous orange rackets and marched out to center court where Kevin started explaining all the drills he wanted to cover. While Aaron hated that the other man was deciding everything, Kevin really did know more about the sport than he did, so he gritted his teeth and followed the instructions.

They played hard, dirty and fast for hours, neither wanting to be the first to let up, the first to show weakness. Unfortunately, Aaron had not been trained religiously since he was a child, and around 11 o’clock, he started to lose ground. After a particularly brutal check that had him sprawled on the floor of the court, he pulled himself up. He prodded at his shoulder to check the damage and winced as his finger made contact with the massive bruise he was sure was growing there.

“Again,” Ordered Kevin from his position by the goal that still glowed red. Aaron had had enough though. He hadn’t worked this hard on the court since their championship game against the Ravens and he wanted to go to bed and mourn the loss of his relationship. Aaron could see beads of sweat making their way down Kevin’s face to his sharp jawline, which meant that Kevin must be near quitting for the night too.

“No. It’s late. I have an early class tomorrow. I’m done,” Aaron said. 

“You are not done until I say you are done,” Kevin ordered, his voice like steel. “Now pick up your racket, and let’s go.”

“You aren’t a Raven anymore. You don’t just get to order me to do whatever you want me to do. You aren’t my superior, you aren’t my captain, and you sure as hell aren’t my friend, so don’t go thinking that you have any right to tell me what to do,” Aaron spit out. “Now I am going to get changed and drive myself home, whether or not you come with me.”

Aaron aggressively picked up his racket and stormed off the court. He had known that this wasn’t going to go well, but still something in his chest broke when Kevin didn’t call him back. No one wanted him. No one needed him to stay. Not even to play Exy. 

He made his way to the showers, lost in his own dark thoughts. He changed out without really focussing on the movements, allowing routine to take care of it. He stepped under the hot spray and Aaron immediately felt the muscles in his neck and back relaxing. In the hours playing with Kevin, he had forgotten about what he had left to do, but as he stood in the warm water, all he could do was make lists of what he had to finish before going to bed that night.

With his mind full of biology assignments and chemistry notes to review, he stepped out of the shower and got dressed. Kevin had better hurry to go because Aaron just desperately wanted to go home and get things done so he could go to bed. 

When he got to the changeroom, Kevin was sitting on one of the benches, bent over to take off his shoes. When he heard Aaron come in, he looked up with a sheepish expression.

“I’m almost ready. I’ll just shower at the dorms. I just-” He cut off, leaning down to deal with the other shoe, “You left and I lost track of time. I need to get better. We can’t afford to lose.” 

Kevin spoke this into his knees, as if he was aware of how desperate his obsession with the sport was becoming, but still unable to control his instincts. A small corner of Aaron’s brain noted this fact with some semblance of pity, but the larger, dominant part of his brain was annoyed at Kevin Day. Perfect Kevin Day, with his good looks and talent, his complete inability to see that others had better things to do than wait for him to play Exy and his disinterest in the wants and needs of those around. 

“Just hurry up and let’s go. Stop being pathetic,” Aaron said.

Aaron had thought their squabbling was over for the night, worn out by hours on the court and their respective self-pity, but the second the word “pathetic” left his mouth, Kevin abandoned his meek position and gave Aaron a harsh look. 

“Fuck you. I am not pathetic. I am one of the First Sons of Exy. I have played, and won, multiple championships. I know you wouldn’t know much about being taught to win because your mother was more concerned with bashing your brains in than your education, so I can’t entirely blame you for being an idiot, but I would highly advise you avoid words you don’t understand in the future.” Kevin stood and strode to tower above Aaron. Kevin’s cheeks, which had already been red from exertion, were flushed. Aaron gazed unconcernedly back.

“Even an idiot could tell that you’re pathetic. You can’t make it through the day without a drink - that’s called addiction. And you know who taught me that? My mom, who you had such nice things to say about.” 

“Well, at least I have people that care about whether or not I live or die,” Kevin bit out. 

Aaron couldn’t breathe. Even Kevin could see that Aaron was worthless, that no one cared about him, that the only thing that he had to show for himself was half of a degree and a dream to one day help others. Even Kevin, with his stupid wavy hair and halfwit brain, could see that Aaron wasn’t deserving of love. Aaron fought desperately to control his features, to keep the hurt far, far inside, where no one could see. 

Maybe something had shown on his face. Maybe Kevin had sensed that his words had hit an open wound. Whatever the reason, Kevin cupped Aaron’s face with one of his calloused hands. Aaron froze, but made no move to turn away. 

Kevin swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “That was...Shit, I didn’t mean that.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry.”

Aaron nodded slowly. “Okay.” He didn’t have much else to offer other than that; Kevin’s words had hit their mark, whether or not he had intended it. Kevin’s thumb started to slowly move back and forth, and Aaron, despising himself for his utter lack of self control, leaned into it. He was so lonely. 

Taking this as a sign of acceptance, Kevin leaned down hesitantly. Aaron couldn’t take his eyes off of Kevin’s lips. He was straight, he really was, but here was Kevin who was warm, and strong, and hot. So fucking hot. 

“Are we really doing this?,” Aaron asked, placing a hand on Kevin’s chest. He was normally good with social cues, but his brain was having a slight disconnect with the idea of Kevin Day, and the opportunity presenting itself.

Kevin nodded and licked his lips. Suddenly, it was all too much for Aaron. He reached up at the same moment Kevin leaned down and their lips were colliding. Everything was hot, hot, hot. Kevin’s hand was in Aaron’s hair, his neck, his chest.

Aaron’s back smacked one of the lockers and the noise snapped them out of the blur they had been in. Kevin pulled back a bit, and they both panted, using the small break to catch their breaths. 

It didn’t last long though, as Aaron ran his fingers over Kevin’s abs, and something in Kevin seemed to shift. Kevin leaned forward and dragged his mouth down Aaron’s neck, down, down, down, until he ended up on his knees and everything went very hazy, very quickly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write more and start adding plot based things, and then I didn't. Whoops. Still don't know if there's more to come or not, but for now, enjoy!
> 
> Oh, and thanks to @twirlingflurry for being an amazing beta <3

The sound of Kevin’s car door shutting clanged loudly against the awkward silence in the car. Aaron gulped audibly, then shifted the car into drive. How did Kevin expect him to act after that? They had never been friendly, settling instead for hostile indifference. And now, he and Kevin… He and Kevin… Aaron’s brain seemed to short circuit as he tried to look back on what happened. It had been weird and completely unprecedented, but it had been good. That he was sure of, at least.

The car was silent the entire drive home and the air slowly grew thicker with apprehension. Aaron backed into a parking spot, and they slowly rolled to a stop. Aaron looked at Kevin. Kevin looked at Aaron.

“So…”, Kevin started hesitantly. Aaron couldn’t take it. The conversation would be awkward and Kevin would just tell him that no matter how much he enjoyed it, “it would be easier to remain heterosexual”. And Aaron completely agreed, he just hadn’t realized how much he wanted to be comforted, to not be alone. 

Aaron clambered out of the car as fast as possible. He would have the conversation later, but if he had to listen to one more person tell him that he wasn’t truly wanted, he was going to lose it. Aaron walked to the door of the dorms, waited just until Kevin got out of the car in order to beep it shut, and then booked it inside. 

Aaron was halfway up the flight of stairs when he realized what an idiot he was. He couldn’t escape Kevin, not now. Not with Nicky in Germany with Erik. Not with Andrew and Neil using that as an excuse to have their dorm to themselves for the month before their road trip. Not with Kevin staying in the same dorm as Aaron, living with him, sleeping in the same room. Aaron was well and truly fucked. He supposed that they would just have to pretend nothing had ever happened. He could do that. He had never had any love for Kevin in the first place; now he would just have to pretend that he also lacked interest. 

Aaron let himself into their shared dorm, and slumped briefly against the back of the door. What had he done? He briefly passed a hand over his face, trying and failing to get rid of all of the thoughts crowding his brain. He walked to the kitchen. Seconds later, the door creaked open and cautious footfalls echoed throughout the apartment. Aaron didn’t turn around, and instead focused on grabbing leftover pizza from the fridge. He went on his tiptoes and pulled a plate down from the cupboard. He did not look at Kevin. He shuffled over and placed his plate within the microwave and turned it on. 

Swallowing against the lump in his throat, Aaron finally made eye contact with Kevin. Unlike every variation of this conversation that Aaron had had in his head, Kevin did not immediately get to the matter at hand. He simply quirked one well arched eyebrow and shot a look full of disdain at the microwave.

“Didn’t we already have this conversation today? Pizza doesn’t fall under the category of healthy food. It’s more like edible garbage.” Kevin said, bringing back an argument that he had worn thin in his first year with the Foxes. So this was how it was going to be. 

“Yes, we did. I didn’t care about what you had to say then, and certainly don’t care now. After…” Aaron trailed off and looked down. He could feel the tips of his ears burning. 

Kevin looked at Aaron with pure disbelief shining in his eyes. Aaron figured that he hadn’t expected Aaron to bring up their little incident so soon.

“You think that changes anything? I am still better than you on the court, so you should respect what I have to say when it affects our game. I’m not losing because you refuse to fall into line.” 

“Fall in line?”, Aaron sputtered indignantly, “Are you fucking kidding me? You think you’re better than everyone because you’re Kevin fucking Day, but guess what? You’re not. You are an anxious, snivelling, little coward with a god-complex. You are literally begging for someone to put you in your place.” 

Kevin drew to his full height. 

“You think you could handle that? You, with your loneliness and your desperate attempts to be known for something, anything, in this world. Give me a break. I could have you on your knees with hardly any effort.”

“And I suppose you think about that image a lot?” Aaron asked, stepping closer to Kevin, his eyes intent.

Kevin licked his lips. Kevin swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and his cheeks turned a faint shade of pink.

“Well, um, no, uh-” Kevin stammered. His eyes couldn’t seem to meet Aaron’s.

Aaron took another step forward and kept going until he had backed Kevin up against the door to their shared bedroom. 

“You have, haven’t you?,” Aaron pressed, a faint smirk pulling up the corners of his lips despite his best attempts to keep a straight face.

Kevin tilted his head up against the door as if to seek help from a benevolent god. He sighed.

“Maybe.” He muttered. 

Aaron pulled at Kevin’s collar until Kevin’s head tilted down and Aaron rose on his tiptoes until his lips were centimeters away from Kevin’s. He kissed Kevin softly once, and then pulled away. 

“Well, maybe if you would admit to this fantasy, I could help you make it a reality,” Aaron said, his voice huskier than he had expected, “But if not, well, I guess that’s your loss.”

“Fuck,” Kevin breathed, and then pulled Aaron’s face back, crushing their lips together and it was all teeth and tongue and heat, and it shouldn’t have made sense, but it felt so so good.   
“Yes. Yes, okay? I may have had that thought.” Kevin said as he fought to catch his breath. Aaron smiled wickedly. He may not have a singular clue what he was doing but he wanted to do it. 

And so, Aaron leaned up to kiss Kevin and kiss him and kiss him until their lips were swollen and sore. Finally, taking a bit of pity on Kevin, Aaron sank to the floor.

If he hadn’t been so preoccupied, he would have laughed at the absurd combination of swear words and prayers that came out of Kevin’s mouth, twisting and tangling into abstract invocations that would have any priests blushing as red as a stoplight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for depression, anxiety and some really dark thoughts. 
> 
> I'm back! Essentially I wrote a bunch of angst and decided why not post it completely unbetaed? Please let me know of any errors or anything that needs fixing. Hope you enjoy!

Aaron woke to the sound of a door slamming. He sat up and looked around, running a hand through his sleep tousled hair. There was no obnoxious snoring coming from above him, so Kevin had either left for his morning run or to do something equally sickening. He pulled himself out of bed and set off to make himself some breakfast. 

As he was eating his hastily assembled breakfast burrito, which was missing all essential components save for eggs, sausage and hot sauce, Kevin walked in. Kevin’s hair was damp with sweat and as he watched, Kevin lifted up the bottom of his shirt to wipe away beads of sweat from his face. A bit of egg fell out of the burrito. Aaron didn’t notice.

Blinking hard, Aaron cleared his mind and went back to eating. He did not pay attention to Kevin doing his stretches. He did not pay attention as Kevin took his shirt off. He did not look up when Kevin walked out in only his boxers from their room on his way to the shower. Once he was sure Kevin was in the bathroom, Aaron stuck his plate in the dishwasher and left the apartment. He had no plan, no destination in mind, but he knew he needed space to sort himself out. God, he had only broken up with Katelyn yesterday. He couldn’t keep doing whatever he was doing with Kevin, not without some time to think. 

Aaron pushed the button for the elevator and waited. It arrived and the doors slid open to reveal Andrew. He was holding two cups of coffee and sporting his usual blank expression. Aaron just looked at him. Then at the coffee. Back at Andrew. Andrew stared back unblinkingly. Without any more acknowledgements on either of their parts, they both went their separate ways. 

Aaron was lost in the feeling of victory all the way down to the parking lot. Ever since Baltimore, Andrew had been so focused on Neil that outside of therapy, Andrew hardly deigned to acknowledge Kevin or Aaron. The fact that Andrew had even kept eye contact at all was enough to brighten Aaron’s day by just a hair. They were making progress. 

Once he arrived in the parking lot, however, any previous elation quickly dissipated. He had no car, no keys to Andrew’s fancy car, nothing at all. At least he had worn runners and athletic shoes. Aaron let out a sigh, and took off at a light jog. 

He ran and ran and ran, letting the rhythm of his feet against the pavement steady his mind. So what he had somewhat slept with his team member the day of a break-up? He hadn’t done anything wrong. And Katelyn had left him, had seen him go through the worst and come out on the other side. And yet… And yet, she had decided after everything that what they had was no longer enough. That he was no longer enough. Aaron had risked everything for her, and she couldn’t be bothered to spend more than five minutes on breaking up with him. He had murdered someone and she had stuck by him then? He had been lost in flashbacks of blood spraying across the room, coating everything in its path. Lost in the way the crunch had sounded, had heard that noise every night in his dreams. Lost in what had happened to Andrew, not just this once, but over and over before Aaron and Neil had been there to help. In his mind, that memory had contorted, and in the darkness it had become Aaron, become Kevin, become Nicky, become Katelyn under Drake, but this time he had been unable to do anything. He had awoken covered in sweat, shaking and screaming multiple times, and yet Katelyn had always been by his side to help him pick up the pieces. And when he had finally gotten better, finally been able to get a good night’s sleep without being haunted, she got bored of him. She got tired of all of your problems, a tiny voice in the back of Aaron’s mind whispered. How could she not have? He was a mess. Always had been. Nothing in his life had ever been right, had ever been good except Katelyn, and now even she had decided that he wasn’t worth the effort. He was no one and nothing and there would never be anyone who cared about him with even the slightest fraction of love that fans gave to-

Kevin Day’s voice was in his ear. “...Aaron. Aaron, what the hell. Are you okay?” Aaron couldn’t seem to do anything but breath raggedly and clutch tightly at his cell phone. He was crumpled on the ground with his back against a tree. He must have ended up in a park but he couldn’t remember, couldn’t seem to get his mind to work.

“Where are you? Do you need me to come pick you up?” Kevin asked, his voice turning from concern to panic. Aaron could not think of why. Kevin didn’t care about him. No one did. Not unless they needed something. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, it clicked. Kevin had planned a practice for today. Aaron must be late. There was nothing outside of Exy that would get Kevin to care about Aaron.

“Aaron, for fuck’s sake, talk to me!” Kevin snapped. 

Aaron flinched. 

He must have made some sort of noise, made some indication that he was not okay, because Kevin’s tone softened.

“Shit, sorry, okay. Listen to me. We’re going to do some deep breathing, okay?” Kevin instructed, “In...and out. And in….and out.”

Kevin kept repeating this mantra until finally, finally, Aaron’s breathing evened out.   
“Aaron… Are you- What do you need?” Kevin queried.

Aaron stretched out his legs and settled against the tree. He knew how ridiculous he was going to sound, but he could not seem to stop himself from saying, “Tell me something good.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, as though Kevin was having a difficult time with that request. Given his history in the Nest and with the Moriyamas, Aaron couldn’t blame him, but then Kevin took a breath. He began to tell Aaron of a day spent in the sunshine, laughing and swimming on the coast with Jeremy two years before. Riko hadn’t known about the outing beforehand, and by the time he found out, he was in New York for a photo op and could do nothing about it. There had been nothing outstanding about the day, but it had been good. Pure. Untainted by malice or cruelty, and Kevin had simply been allowed to be himself. To do what he wanted.

Aaron listened and let the low timbre of Kevin’s voice steady his racing heartbeat. Who would have thought that Kevin was not completely a soulless bastard?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter is setting up the plot a bit, which means I have plot ideas!! Yay!!
> 
> Also, thank you to my amazing beta @twirlingflurry, who encouraged me to tell you that this chapter was "made with hate", simply because I got really into the zone while writing the angry parts and started typing really aggressively. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Aaron only made it back to the dormitory at 7pm. He hadn’t meant to stay out so late, not really, but after his panic attack, he just wanted to wander. And it may have had something to do with the fact that he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to look into Kevin’s eyes after that. He had never really been a vulnerable person, whether it was the result of years of abuse or simply who he was as a person, and as such he had only ever really shown his emotions with Katelyn. So what was he supposed to do now that Kevin, of all people, knew that he was really just a fractured mess of a person?

Aaron didn’t know what he had expected walking into his apartment, but it was certainly not Kevin sitting with Andrew and Neil, watching Exy on the television. Aaron stopped and stared for a second, not really believing his eyes. What the fuck did Neil fucking Josten think he was doing in Aaron’s apartment? Sure, they were on the same team and he was dating Aaron’s twin brother, but that did not mean that Neil got to invade every single aspect of Aaron’s life. 

Upon hearing Aaron’s shoes hitting the wall after he aggressively kicked them off, the three men turned to look at him. Well, Kevin and Andrew turned around. Neil quickly glanced up, and then ignored Aaron in favour of the game. As usual. 

“Where have you been,” Andrew said flatly. He had an uncanny ability to turn any question into a demand. 

“Out.”

Andrew nodded shortly, then flicked his eyes up and down Aaron, probably to make sure he was uninjured, and then turned his attention back to his ice cream. A year ago, Andrew would have kept pressing, thinking it to be his duty to know all of Aaron’s business due to their deal. A year ago, Andrew wouldn’t have ignored Aaron in favour of a redheaded twink. A year ago-

“The food is in the fridge,” Neil offered, his eyes still trained on the Exy game. 

Aaron gritted his teeth. Of course Neil had to comment. He had to come into everyone’s lives and mess everything up until he was satisfied with the result. He had had enough of Neil’s so called ‘help’. 

Despite the mild growling in his stomach, Aaron mumbled a “Not hungry” and then retreated to his bedroom. He could eat the snacks he had stashed in his room, once he learned that Kevin expected him to follow his diet while they lived together. You really couldn’t expect a grown man to eat rabbit food all the time. 

He had just ripped into a Mars bar when Kevin opened Aaron’s door and let himself in. Aaron looked up, and dropped his chocolate. Kevin had left an Exy game to come talk to him?! He was probably in deep shit, but Aaron couldn’t think for the life of him what for. 

The space between Kevin’s eyebrows crinkled. “Look,” Kevin started. He sighed. “Shit.”

“Kevin, what’s going on?”, Aaron asked. He looked at Kevin, questions in his eyes.

“Sorry,” Kevin breathed, and then sat down next to Aaron on his bed, their thighs brushing together. Kevin ran a hand through his hair, messing up his brown curls. “Alright, so the stuff we’ve been doing with... you know,” Kevin gestured to the space between them.

Aaron’s cheeks burned. He hadn’t thought that they were going to have this conversation now, especially not with Andrew and Neil right outside. 

“Yes, I do.” 

“Well, I know we don’t know exactly what we’re doing and we haven’t talked or anything and we’ve got a lot to figure out,” The words rushed out of Kevin’s mouth, “And I do think we need to talk about it at some point, but not now.” He looked at Aaron as if to see if this line of thought was okay. Aaron must not have looked angry at this stream of ideas because Kevin then kept going. “I think that the most important thing right now is that it stays between us. We don’t want the wrong people to find out or anything..”

“We don’t want anyone to find out,” Aaron cut in. He glared at Kevin. “This is our fucking business, and I don’t want anyone else to know. Not even your fucking guardian angel, or whatever. And especially not Neil Josten.”

Kevin nodded throughout this, looking more and more relieved. “Exactly. That’s what I was thinking! So, we’ll keep this to ourselves and figure it out later.”

“Is that all you came to say?” Aaron asked, raising one blonde eyebrow.

“Um. Yes?”, Kevin answered, turning a bit rosy. 

“Cool. It’s been said. Go watch your fucking Exy or whatever you wanted to do.” Aaron just wanted to eat his fucking Mars bar and then- Then what? He had no plans. He had absolutely nothing else to do, unless he wanted to get ahead on homework, which while useful, was an incredibly boring thing to do on a summer night. 

“Fine. Yeah, I will,” Kevin made to leave the room, but right before opening the door, he swivelled around, “You could come join us. If you wanted.” 

Kevin must have decided that was enough because he left after that. Aaron sat on his bed, chewing his Mars bar and contemplating. There really wasn’t anything to do in his room, and he was a bit lonely… He could even take Josten’s company for one night. Sighing at his complete lack of a backbone, Aaron stood up and went to join the Exy obsessed crew. What did he have to lose?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh the conversation finally happens! And I think it will start moving faster now, because not only do I have a plot, but I will be using some time jumps. Enjoy!
> 
> TW for internalized homophobia
> 
> Thanks @twirlingflurry for being an amazing beta, as usual <3

The door snicked shut behind Andrew and Neil as they left the dorm. 

After an agonizing four hours of taped Exy games, Kevin had finally decided that it was too late for another. Kevin had also been told, very aggressively, by Andrew that he needed to give Neil a break and stop demanding so much of him. Aaron hadn’t cared enough to see how Neil reacted to this. He was simply grateful that Kevin wasn’t going to force either him or Neil to go practice tonight. His legs hurt and his eyes were heavy. 

Kevin stood from his place on their orange couch, and walked to stand over Aaron. Aaron blinked up at him. 

“Is now a good time to talk?”, Kevin asked, his voice gravelly. His hair was a complete disaster, but fuck he looked hot. Aaron wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed before, but it no longer mattered because he couldn’t look at Kevin without noticing his arms, his eyes, his cheekbones, his many, many muscles. 

“About what?” Aaron shot back. He really, really did not want to deal with Kevin’s emotional bullshit tonight. He knew they were going to have to talk about the phone call from earlier, not to mention whatever they had done the night before, but he was tired. He just wanted-

“Kind of everything,” Kevin said. “There’s been a lot going on. I mean, are you ok? What happened earlier?” Kevin did genuinely look worried. He had a face that he made when he was concerned; his eyebrows crinkled and he bit the inside of his cheek. Aaron had often seen it, before games Kevin was worried about, after tests that he didn’t think he had passed, but this was the first time Aaron had seen it twice in one day. Aaron just wanted it to go away, for Kevin to stop looking at him like he was no longer something that Kevin could comprehend. 

“I don’t want to talk about earlier,” Aaron mumbled. He didn’t want to talk at all.

“Okay…” Kevin replied, hesitantly, “Do you want to talk about us?”

Fuck. No. And Aaron knew it wasn’t fair, not fair at all, but he grabbed one of Kevin’s belt loops, and pulled him forward, pulled him down, until Kevin was straddling his lap. He reached a hand up and ran it through Kevin’s curls, until he was holding the back of Kevin’s neck. 

“I think,” Aaron breathed, as his mouth hovered over Kevin’s, “I would rather do this.”

Wordlessly, Kevin nodded, his eyes practically glowing. Aaron kissed Kevin, and Kevin leaned down to meet Aaron. Kevin’s hands were on Aaron’s face, his hair, his neck, his back…it was fire and lightning and they were burning, burning, burning.

Well, that had gotten Kevin to shut up. For now, at least. 

Aaron made it to bed without having to talk to Kevin. Unfortunately, his luck ran out in the morning. 

Aaron was sitting on the couch, video game controller in one hand, the other rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, when Kevin walked in. Normally Kevin strutted, somewhat like a peacock. He was the son of Exy after all, the heir of an entire sport, and the second he entered a room you could tell. Today however, he marched in, holding two coffees and sporting a determined expression, and made his way over to where Aaron was sitting. 

“Here,” Kevin handed Aaron a coffee. 

“Thanks,” Aaron replied, somewhat cautiously. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with Kevin, but he knew it couldn’t be great. Aaron had only ever seen Kevin act like this was on the court and Aaron had had enough of being berated for his Exy abilities. 

Kevin plopped himself down on the opposite end of the couch and looked at Aaron. 

“We need to talk, and you’re not avoiding it this time,” Kevin stated. 

“Okay,” Aaron agreed. There was no use delaying the inevitable. “You think we should stop whatever the fuck this is, right? Because little Kevin Day’s fanbase is so concerned about his heterosexuality. And they’re practically the only thing keeping you from jumping off a cliff, so… gotta give ‘em what they want.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“Oh yeah? So you were going to cover yourself in rainbow glitter and let the world know the ‘real’ Kevin Day?”

“Fuck you. As if you’re dying to go and tell your brother and your cousin that you’re a hypocrite, and you’ve been gay this whole time. Just think of their reactions,” Kevin snarled. 

Aaron saw red. “I am not fucking gay, you absolute asshole.” Aaron could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and he was angry. So. Fucking. Angry.

“Oh yeah? Then what the fuck has all of this been?,” Kevin retorted.

Kevin’s words shot like an arrow to Aaron’s heart. What did they think they were doing? They were professional athletes, people who found themselves in the spotlight whenever reporters thought there was dirt to dig up. And a murderer doing… whatever with Kevin Fucking Day would be making headlines for weeks. 

Aaron swallowed. “I don’t know,” He admitted, softly. He leaned back into the couch,  
away from the argument, away from Kevin. 

“Okay,” Kevin said. “Okay,” He repeated, as if to collect himself and gather his bearings concerning the situation surrounding him. 

“Okay,” Aaron echoed. What else was there to say?

“Well, have you been,” Kevin started, “Um- Well, you know- Enjoying this?” Without explaining any further, Kevin gestured vaguely. 

Aaron really didn’t want to admit it, especially not to Kevin Day, but this was probably the best time he had had in a while. Katelyn had been a bit absent recently, which really should have been a big sign that something wasn’t working between them, but Aaron hadn’t cared, hadn’t noticed that anything was off, until it all came crashing down. Between that, Exy, and exams, Aaron really hadn’t had anything that was his to enjoy. 

Aaron could do nothing but nod. He wasn’t gay, couldn’t be, but what he had been doing with Kevin was amazing. He was almost sad to lose it. 

“So, if we both are appreciating it, why would we need to stop?” Kevin asked.

Aaron whipped his head toward Kevin. “What?!”

“What do you mean ‘what’? We literally just agreed that we both like this,” Kevin said, leaning forward. Kevin rested his elbows on his knees, looking vaguely like a concerned professor, although the effect was very much ruined by the bright orange hoodie he was wearing. 

“Yeah, but you have your whole reputation to maintain? And I don’t even like you all that much. You’re an asshole.”

“For fuck’s sake, Aaron. It’s not like we’re dating and declaring that we’re madly in love with each other. We can keep doing what we’ve been doing.”

“No strings attached,” Aaron added. He didn’t need any more problems in his life, and he wasn’t about to let Kevin become one of them. 

“Deal,” Kevin responded. They then stared at each other awkwardly. How are you supposed to solidify this kind of deal? A handshake? A kiss? 

Aaron looked at Kevin, and instead of waiting for one of them to make up their minds, he pushed himself off of the couch, dropping his video game controller behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for alcoholism and past trauma
> 
> Alrighty folks, this is a longer chapter than I usually post! It features Aaron with some feelings, Aaron pretending he doesn't have feelings and Kevin being forced to confront his alcoholism. Most of it was written late at night, so let me know if it's awful. Enjoy!
> 
> Thanks to my amazing beta @twirlingflurry. As always, you were amazing ;)

And so it began. Aaron and Kevin would go through their daily routines, acting as though absolutely nothing had changed, but when they were alone in the apartment they were all over each other. Aaron could never predict when it would happen- while he was brushing his teeth, while he was playing video games, while Kevin was making lunch, while Kevin was showering…

It seemed as though once he started looking at Kevin in this new light, he couldn’t keep away. He would glance at Kevin, randomly, and be struck senseless with a desire to touch him, to taste him, feel him. And whenever he thought he had fully mapped out Kevin, that he knew every iteration of Kevin, something new would come up. He had thought he had known what Kevin looked like, but it turned out that Aaron had been blind for years. In the past two weeks, Aaron had learned that Kevin had three freckles on his left hip, like his own little constellation. When Kevin smiled, he had the slightest dimples, only visible if you were inches away. More than anything, Aaron had noticed the muscles. Aaron had studied medicine for years, had studied the body for years, so he should know all of its parts and where they were found. And yet he was mystified when looking at Kevin. His body was like a statue, perfectly sculpted, and Aaron liked to trace the lines of it with his hands, his mouth. His stomach was hard with muscles built up after years of rigorous training, and Aaron often paused to marvel at Kevin’s abs on his path downwards. 

Furthermore, Aaron was learning what Kevin liked. It varied of course, often changing depending on the day, the mood, the location. On the days Kevin was withdrawn and stuck in the memories of his past, he had to be coaxed, led on gently. On the days where Neil pissed Kevin off at practice, Kevin liked to be in charge, bossing Aaron around. Aaron didn’t mind at all. Other days, Kevin liked for Aaron to tell him what to do, often after one of their many fights. Aaron was happy to comply, happy to dish out exactly what Kevin gave on the court and have him listen, unlike all other situations in their lives. Some days both Kevin and Aaron were riled up and it was all aggression and anger pouring out through the movement of their bodies. They still fought, still didn’t particularly like each other, didn’t want to have to listen to the other talk, but when it was just physical, they were eager to put aside their differences. They were, albeit unintentionally, getting to know each other better, which meant that occasionally, they actually cared about what was best for the other. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Aaron snapped at Kevin. It was eight o’clock in the goddamn morning and Kevin thought that now was the time for vodka?! Aaron could understand needing to distance yourself from your current reality, to blur the edges of life until you were living through a hazy bubble that only you could pop, but Kevin was going too far. It had gone from drinking to keep himself sane around the Ravens, to drinking everyday just to hold on. Aaron hadn’t concerned himself with it- for the past two years he had purposely blocked out everything the rest of the Foxes did. He still did most of the time, but now that he was sharing a room with Kevin, he had noticed just how much Kevin drank. It was a hell of a lot. He’d initially labelled it as Andrew’s problem, but now that he and Kevin were fucking, he felt mildly responsible for the idiot. Plus, Andrew rarely left Neil long enough to pay attention to Kevin’s problems - he was too concerned with his boyfriend’s multitude of issues. 

Kevin at least had the sense to look mildly ashamed as he continued to pour alcohol into his coffee. Aaron stared at Kevin, but Kevin refused to meet Aaron’s eyes.

Fury ate its way through Aaron’s body, burning up his blood. Who did Kevin think he was? To go around lecturing other people on their health, and then turn around and drink copious amounts of alcohol to cope with being alive? He was a massive dick with an attitude problem, and an unhealthy addiction to alcohol. Aaron couldn’t do much about the former, but he could try to help change the latter. For the good of Exy.

Aaron stalked over to Kevin and ripped the bottle of vodka out of his hand. 

Kevin let out an offended, “Hey”, but Aaron didn’t give a shit. He marched to the sink and poured the liquid down the sink. When the bottle was empty, he shifted to face Kevin, and crossed his arms tightly across his chest. 

“What the fuck was that?” Kevin asked, his voice practically a growl. Aaron could almost feel waves of anger radiating off of his roommate, but he did not care.

“That was the first step to you dealing with your problem. I’m not even a doctor yet, and even I can see you’re practically an alcoholic,” Aaron started, “You need help. I don’t care if it’s rehab or therapy or just running it off on the court, but you can’t go on like this. Your liver can’t take it, and if I recall correctly, your life depends on your ability to play Exy. I don’t think there are many athletes succeeding with liver failure, do you?”

“I don’t think I asked for your opinion on my life,” Kevin said, eyes flashing. He stood, pushing his chair back. 

“Well, I didn’t ask to have to be the one to look after you, but here we are.”

“You don’t have to take care of me. No strings attached, or did you already forget our deal? You can leave me and my life alone.”

“I really wish I could. I don’t give a shit about you, but my brother seems to care more about taking Josten’s clothes off than stopping you from drowning yourself in drinks, and I don’t want to somehow be held responsible for the death of the ‘Son of Exy’,” Aaron snarled. “I already have one murder charge against me. I would hate to go to jail for killing you.”

Kevin took one menacing step towards Aaron. Aaron looked up. Sometimes he hated being so fucking short. He never had the upper hand in arguments- at least not physically. And with Kevin being over a foot taller, Aaron was really at a disadvantage. 

“Just tell me where the rest of the booze is. We can deal with the whole ‘you’re incredibly traumatized and need a lot of help, but vodka isn’t a solution’ thing later,” Aaron sighed. He didn’t know why he had even bothered. Let Kevin destroy himself if that’s what he wanted to do. 

To his shock, Kevin actually complied. Unfortunately, the cupboard he opened to reveal hordes of bottles was the cupboard directly above the fridge. The very tall fridge. Kevin smirked down at Aaron and walked away. Aaron heard the front door open and then slam closed. 

Aaron grabbed a kitchen chair and began the long and arduous process of pulling the bottles down. He was grateful Kevin had left, if simply for the fact that he didn’t have to be seen contorting into ridiculous positions in order to make his short body reach the cupboard from the chair. 

After what felt like hours, but had only been thirty minutes, Aaron had all thirteen bottles of vodka and gin lined up on the counter. He opened the first, took a swig, then poured it down the sink. He threw it in the recycling bin, where it was soon joined by the other twelve bottles.

He looked around, wondering what to do next. Would Kevin be tempted to drink just looking at the alcohol? Did he have more hidden around the apartment? Knowing that what he was about to do would cross multiple boundaries, Aaron ignored his conscience and went to search. 

He looked through the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom and the living room, poking through cupboards and drawers, under beds and behind shelves. From what he could tell, there was nothing, so he went to the kitchen and grabbed the recycling bin. Might as well remove the temptation, Aaron figured, so he brought it outside and dumped it out, effectively getting rid of the bottles. 

Aaron was in the stairwell when he heard footsteps coming down. Neil Josten’s face appeared at the top of the block of stairs. 

“What did you do to Kevin,” Neil demanded, his voice sharp. Aaron nervously eyed the black bands cloaking Neil’s arms. He didn’t know if his brother had armed the liar, and he wasn’t willing to find out the hard way. 

“I didn’t do anything. He has a problem, so I’m helping him solve it.” Neil didn’t deserve any answers from Aaron. He had already fucked up his life enough without having to know everything about him. 

“Helping?” Neil scoffed, “I really don’t think forcing Kevin to retreat to our room to have a panic attack is helping.” 

Shit. Aaron knew that Kevin drank to block out his fears, but he hadn’t realized how bad it was today. He had been so focused on Kevin’s hypocrisy that he hadn’t even stopped to consider why Kevin was finding it necessary to drink so early in the morning. 

“Well, you and my brother, his supposed care takers, or whatever the fuck you agreed to, have barely left the roof or your room long enough to notice that Kevin has been drinking enough for three people at every chance he gets. And I may not be Kevin’s biggest fan, but I am in medicine, and I’m not going to sit by and let him destroy himself.”

“Well what the fuck do you want us to do about it?” Neil asked defensively. What an asshole. 

“Get him to rehab or therapy or something, I really don’t care, but stop letting him drink himself to death,” Aaron said, “ You like meddling in people’s lives, so I’m sure you’ll be able to figure something out.”

Neil glared at Aaron, but didn’t say anything to refute the point he had made. Aaron shouldered his way past Neil and continued up the stairs, back to the dorm, lugging the empty recycling bin behind him. 

Aaron came to the top of the stairs as Kevin walked into their dorm room. Aaron reluctantly trailed him in. He was fairly sure that the weird squirmy feeling in his stomach was guilt, but he was not ready to back down. If Kevin wanted a life in professional sports, he was going to have to take care of himself.

A small voice in the back of Aaron’s head added that perhaps Aaron wanted to help because he cared about Kevin, but Aaron aggressively squashed the thought. He simply wanted the idiot to not die; there were no other feelings involved. 

Aaron and Kevin both headed to the bedroom without any discussion.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked, the words surprising himself as much as they seemed to shock Kevin. He had been planning on telling Kevin off, on figuring out how they were going to move forward, but his treacherous brain apparently was on a different wavelength. 

Kevin dropped his eyes to the floor, and his shoulders hunched slightly. “Did Neil tell you…?”

“Yeah. I didn’t realize- I didn’t think about why you were trying to block out this morning. I just thought that you were taking shitty care of yourself. Which you were,” Aaron added quickly, “But you probably had a reason.”

Aaron didn’t push for more, didn’t demand for Kevin to spill the details of his past. Kevin’s eyes had glazed over slightly as he got stuck in whatever memory had haunted him earlier. Aaron walked over to him and helped him sit down on the bunk behind him, as he didn’t want Kevin crashing to the floor if another panic attack consumed him. Aaron waited until finally Kevin seemed to come back to the world around him.

Kevin ran a shaky hand through his hair and looked at Aaron. “They did horrible things in there,” Kevin murmured, his voice broken. “I couldn’t- I couldn’t stop them.”

Aaron reached out his hand for Kevin to hold. Kevin gripped it like a drowning man would cling to a lifeline in a stormy sea. 

“I just watched, and it was never me, not even when I deserved it-” Kevin cut himself off, a tear rolling down his cheek. Aaron lifted up his unoccupied hand and wiped the tear away, but didn’t pull his hand back. He just left it there, cupping Kevin’s perfectly chiseled jaw, thumb stroking back and forth. 

Kevin took a deep, stuttering breath. “I don’t want- I can’t talk about it right now, not in detail, but today was bad. Really bad. I just woke up and I was stuck back there and I couldn’t do anything about it and I needed an escape.”

Aaron nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He was terrible at comforting people, something Katelyn had often pointed out, and he didn’t trust himself not to hurt Kevin further, not yet. 

They sat for a while, Aaron not trusting Kevin to be left alone, not after what Kevin had confessed, and his presence must not have bothered Kevin too much because Kevin made no attempt to move or to get Aaron to leave. 

Finally, Kevin spoke, his voice rough.

“You’re right,” He said.

Aaron’s head whipped up, shocked at Kevin’s admittance. That was one of the fundamental Kevinisms: never admit defeat. And yet, here he was, conceding to Aaron. Aaron tried not to show his surprise too blatantly, for fear that Kevin would see and take it back.  
“I think I need help. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” Aaron asked cautiously. He didn’t want to make any assumptions, raise any hopes that would soon come crashing down.

“I can’t keep living like a coward. Don’t look at me like that, I know that’s how Andrew and Neil refer to me behind my back.” Aaron smoothed his face blank. “I think I need to start seeing Betsy more,” Kevin swallowed, “To help with the- to help with the drinking.”

Aaron felt something warm light up in his chest. It wasn’t an emotion he could name, but it felt a little like pride. Pride in Kevin’s choice, and pride in himself- that he had been the one to finally make Kevin change his mind. Maybe he would make a good doctor after all.


End file.
